A Helping Hand
by KimieArato
Summary: Deadpool teleports to NYC to kill a few hours. Having noticed web-head himself sneaking into an old building, The Merc with a Mouth finds himself rather intrigued with what he sees.


Deadpool out n' about during the cold, NY night. Spots Spider-man swinging towards an old office building that is past its prime. He eyes Spidey as he looks around to check the coast is clear, which Deadpool finds a bit odd seeing as no one usually can spot him when he's sneaking about. Spiderman enters the old 5th floor lobby area—or what's left of it—through a glassless window pane. He waits for a moment to listen for the crashes and bangs of a fight but there is nothing.

"Well, he probably has a good reason for being Mr. Sneaky out in the middle of the ghetto so late in the night that it's reaching towards the butt-crack of dawn…it's probably private…I should really mind my own business…"

Wade stood on the roof of the building opposite and stared at the window that Spider-man had gone through. Uncharacteristically silent, he listens to the sounds distant, busy traffic that never ceases in this city. More minutes pass and the Merc finally tilts his head and crosses his arms, strumming his fingers in a repetitive rhythm. He sighs and climbs onto the cement ledge of the roof. "You probably want me to go spy, don't you? Even though it'll be a direct violation of Spidey's privacy if this is in **fact** his man-cave? You _naughty_ reader. Welp, anything for the fans. Geronimo!"

With that, Deadpool jumps down onto the fire escape and easily makes his way to the old office building. As he approached the window his keen ears caught on to a specific sound just barely making its way out of the open pane. Wade was crouching beneath it with his back to the wall, silently listening.

'Wait a minute…' His inner voices began.

'We recognize those sounds!'

'We do?'

'Well…not these ones specifically but the overall tone and volume itself is kinda—'

'So, do we know it or not?'

'Yes! We do. Will you let me finish? It's totally the soft, quiet sounds of mas—'

"Alright, guys I _get_ it." Wade whispered, shutting up his internal conversation.

Those sounds were of heavy breathy and the occasional soft whimper. Wade couldn't disagree with his voices though. It couldn't be. Could it? Was he gonna find out? You bet your bottom dollar he was!

Deadpool turned and lifted so he could just barely see into the office lobby. It was dark but the moon was a sufficient night-light to see that the old lobby was in shambles. Graffiti covered the walls and some parts of the floor, and there were papers and files strewn everywhere. Towards the center of the room was Spider-man lying there on a badly worn and probably smelly chaise lounge. Deadpool's eyes widened "Holy _**shinola**_."

Spidey lay there on his back, in full costume mask n' all, his one leg hanging off the side. His left hand slowly massaged his chest and his right…well, it was massaging down south. Spidey's gloved hand moved gingerly up and down his bulge that pushed angrily at his spandex. Wade stared at the sight like a moth at a flame, and it was all he could do to stifle his giggling. But although he found the idea of catching one of his hero buds doin' the naughty a stitch, Deadpool couldn't help but feel a bit…well, bothered.

He shifted his weight a bit as Spider-man continued his business, oblivious to the peeping tom. "I guess when Spidey-sense tingles downstairs, upstairs shuts down." He mumbled.

This charade went on for a few more seconds before Deadpool saw Spidey's hand shift upwards. He pinched his mask and pulled it up over his mouth, resting it just above his nose. He let out a puff of air before letting his hand drop back to his groin. "Oh? It was getting' a little toasty in the mask wasn't it? I know that problem all too well." Wade continued his commentary. Spider-man bit his lower lip as his hands moved along his body. Groping and massaging as if they belonged to someone else. In fact, the Merc thought it would be a fitting scene for a pair of strong hands doing all that business; with Spidey underneath them writhing and whimpering. It wasn't long before the visual before him begun making him a bit more than bothered. Deadpool looked down at himself, although he really didn't need to because he could already feel it. "Ah, dammit. This is what happens when I let movies like _Brokeback Mountain_ get to me."

Just as he said this Spider-man stopped and sat up. Wade crouched down immediately into hiding. He was sure Spidey didn't see him, but that doesn't mean he didn't hear him. Waiting for a moment or two, Wade lifted his gaze to the pane once again to see Spider-man standing up.

_'Aww, show's over?'_

_'What a jip. I want a refund!'_

But before Wade's voices could complain any further, Spider-man stepped onto the couch and swung his leg over the cylinder arm rest.

"What in the-?" Wade began to speak but as God as my witness he was silenced at what happened next. Spider-man lowered his hips onto the arm rest and thrust them softly into the fabric. His lips parted as heavy breaths began to escape them. He grinded very slowly at first but soon picked up a solid rhythm. This sudden change in pace must've been exactly what Spidey needed, for he gasped and moaned ever so slightly as his hips thrust against the arm rest.

Deadpool felt his suit tighten below as his hard-on began to throb. "Oh my lanta. If I wasn't totally being a creep right now, you'd think he was doing this on purpose!" He watched as Spider-man pleasured himself for a few agonizing moments. He reached down an paid some attention to himself with his own hand. "Dammit…" He mumbled, frustrated at this predicament. "No way can he cum from a friggen chair. If I even had a smidgen of a hint that adding another dude to the picture would assist the situation I'd-"

And as if the gods of good fortune were listening in, or simply a fangirl with nothing else to do at 12:04 a.m. but think of a logical way to get his chiseled body down there, that smidgen appeared. Deadpool watched as Spider-man reached behind himself and rubbed his middle finger along his crack. His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he massaged his rump. Just as his fingers were about to prod at himself through his suit, Deadpool snapped.

"That's all the hints I need!" And with that, he jumped through the window into the office lobby with a heroic laugh. Spider-man, startled, jumped from his position into the shadow edge of the room without a word. "Why hello, Spider-dude! I heard you were in the neighborhood so I dropped by for a—arugh~~"

Deadpool fell back into the wall as a rotten wooden drawer smashed into his chest. "H-hey come on now! There's no need for violence!" His wrist was shot to the wall with webbing.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Spider-man growled as he walked into the moonlight. Deadpool eyed Spidey and noted how well moonlight emphasized his slender, yet toned body. And of course, the raging boner. He snickered.

"Answer me!" Spider-man was not amused, but of course…why would he be?

Normally if a situation like this arose, Deadpool would smart-alac his way out of it but he figured what the hell—in this universe anything is possible. So, he decided to give it a shot.

"I was watching you."

Spider-man tensed. "You…you what?!"

Deadpool shrugged as he used his free hand to tug at the webbing. "Yeah, I was bored at home so I teleported to the big NYC and lo and behold who do I see sneakin' about the ghetto? My ole pal Web-head! I figured something was up when you climbed in the window all ninja-like so I decided to check it out. You know—in case you were in trouble er something'!"

Deadpool paused for a moment for any repercussions but Spider-man stayed silent.

"Sssooo," he continued, "when I peaked my little face in the window and saw you all hot and bothered, I just kinda…you _know_…watched."

Spider-man shot a web at a wooden chair across the room and flung it at Deadpool. With a small yelp he dodged it just barely. It shattered against the wall with a loud crash.

"Come on, man! Don't be like that! You were doin' a great job! Even got lil' ole me a bit flustered too!"

"Ugh," Spider-man clenched his hand into a fist and held it up, "You sick pervert!"

"Tsh. Says the dude who was gettin' real friendly with the upholstery."

With an angered growl, Spider-man charged at Deadpool with the full intent of smashing his jaw so hard his dentist will wake in a cold sweat. Deadpool freed his hand of the webbing and held his arms in a mock defense. "HEY. Woah woah hey! No judgement here, man!" Spider-man stopped, startled at Deadpool's words, and dropped his arm to his side.

"What?"

"I mean, it's cool. I get it. The fabric is soft and squishy but its wooden frame underneath is nice and sturdy! Feels great, yeah? Ever try ridin' the corner of a spring mattress? That shit's great!"

Spider-man sighed and folded his arms. "What the hell are you playing at, Deadpool?" As bitter as his tone was, he did take a mental note of his suggestion.

Deadpool took a knife and finally cut himself free from the web. He turned back to Spider-man and took a breath to speak, only to get another spray of webbing shot at him. Dodging it this time, Deadpool sprung at the younger man; tackling him onto the old floor that creaked with every step they took.

Deadpool held Spider-man's wrists down tightly. Spider-man struggled, tried kicking, but it was useless. Deadpool had him at a angle where he couldn't exert any of his strength to easily life the annoyance off of him. Deadpool sighed, "Look, I know it isn't very ideal and typically isn't really my thing, but…"

"But…" Spider-man repeated hesitantly.

"But I know you can't be very comfortable right now. And a couch _**really**_ isn't going to help much, now is it?"

Spider-man said nothing, his head was turned to the left, but Deadpool was almost certain his eyes underneath were still staring.

"So, being the new and improved hero that I am," Deadpool shifted, pressing his knee into Spider-man's groin causing the younger man to twitch in surprise, "I'll save you from your predicament." He lifted his knee slightly, rubbing it just hard enough against Spider-man to get him to shiver.

"Stop." Spider-man warned, "I have no intention of being 'saved' or in this case ra-"

Deadpool jumped off of him, "Alright, alright, yeesh. I get it. Can't get it up for a dude, that's cool."

"What?" Spider-man stood up, a bit too quickly, but Deadpool thought nothing of it.  
"It's fine, Spidey. I'll just leave you on your merry way." Deadpool jumped onto the desk that was flush against the wall. Before he could grab onto the window pane, Spider-man's uncertain voice called out, "You weren't, uh…"

The Merc turned and looked down at the younger man, standing there with an odd composure of defeat. Deadpool shifted awkwardly, "I wasn't, what?"

"I dunno," Spider-man folded his arms and turned, "take me against my will?" In the moonlight, once again, Deadpool could see his less impressive bulge, but a bulge nonetheless. Deadpool felt an odd sensation come about him, his heart fluttered a bit which he would never admit to, like, ever.

It wasn't that he was turned on by the idea.

Okay, may be was a bit.

"Cuz, uh, well…I'd let you, I guess…if that's what you were getting at?"

Okay, maybe he was a lot.

"Hold up," Deadpool jumped down, "I thought you were just saying 'nooo, don't. stop.' And making it a very awkward situation for me?"

"Well, isn't that how most one-shot stories are written?"

Deadpool smirked beneath his mask. "I like you, kid."

To be continued…..?


End file.
